As we try and live through this femicide epidemic I find myself asking this question.

The sad reality of a women in SA is that we live in constant fear and if you go through the many threads on Twitter your heart breaks each second. So many men become extremely defensive and offended by the #MenAreTrash and don’t take the time to have an educated understanding of what it stands for or what it means. Of course there are good men out there however with that being said this hashtag is an awareness, a cry for help, accountability from some

Something has to give and my status is not saying everyone. An educated understanding of the #MenAreTrash doesn’t mean all but some of you have lit WhatsApp groups with your friends and laugh when they tell you how they violate women every weekend but you keep quiet all in the name of bro’s and not snitching.
You are okay with your friends/ acquintances referring to women as stocko, talking about how they take advantage of women , continuously degrading them. You honestly can’t be a real men and be okay with that. #SorryNotSorry

@HSurvivors2 have a read

Love and light

Hi everyone

I can officially say I am the expert on disappearing acts 😎

I was going to apologize but tonight I feel that I dont need to apologize for living, for experiencing life and not letting it pass me by while I lick my wounds.

I deserve a life fully lived and I deserve to be present. Anywho to speak of the title for tonight I literally had a thought as i listened to 94.7 my friends are convinced I am Caucasian stuck in an African body 😂 by the way.

So self validation right, it seems to be looked down on and that is particularly strange to me. As a single woman if you self validate automatically society claims you have been heartbroken which sometimes is true. Its true that fellow sisters were so lost in their former relationships that they forgot themselves. I think its high time as women we start to see our own worth , self validate, show ourselves love and set the standard.

Sisters dont make the mistake of getting into relationships to feel wanted, feel complete, validated by this skew society we live in. It is vital that you know your worth, know your capabilities, love yourselves enough to not settle for mediocre.

Any person who sees that in you, how you know yourself, love yourselves and treat yourselves will have the tone set.

I will be the first to say how sad it is to see fellow sisters accept being options when they should be a choice even within my circle.

Stop accepting mediocre because you are terrified of being alone, stop settling for less than you are worth.

My dear readers

I have been awfully quiet, apologies. Juggling work, school, family means some of the other things I love like sharing my thoughts, my journey, difficulties with you take the back burner 😩 and I wish I could enough time to share at all times even with my busy schedule.

Since that’s out of the way, I have been specific about what I want to touch on today. The fear of the unknown

This is certainly something whether we acknowledge or not as the human race we come across more often than we care to admit.

I personally have come across it, it can be in one’s career, personal growth/ life in general. We spend so much time being fearful of change, fearful of how others perceive us , we sometimes even fear growth, letting go of people or things that don’t serve us. We become fearful of what we don’t know and this hinders our growth as humans, taking risks in our lives because we don’t know if they will pan out or not.

But if you don’t take a risks how will you grow as person, how do you learn from mistakes you make if constantly you remain in your comfort zone/ corner. Sometimes you just need to step up to the world, take risks, fail, fall, leave your comfort zone, rise from the ashes like a phoenix ❤. As scary as it is you might be stepping into your destiny, finding your path. It is vital that regardless of how many times you fall in this process/ journey you rise again. Claim what’s yours, keep your head held high, try and try again☺

Someone very dear to me kept telling me what he saw in me and I argued, pushed back and refused to see that potential in myself. It took me a while but I finally saw what he saw and got out of my cocoon and decided its time I unapologetically claim what’s mine, go after my goals and try getting over the fear of the unknown one day at a time.

So today I will conclude with this :

1. “Each of us must confront our own fears, must come face to face with them. How we handle our fears will determine where we go with the rest of our lives. To experience adventure or to be limited by the fear of it.”
   –Judy Blume

So in the few years that I have been involved with another human being I learnt a few things that have helped me grow. Sometimes these things are beneficial to me and sometimes leave me feeling like a counsellor, I will tell you this my loves that is the most emotionally draining profession especially when you never studied for it or got preparations for it.

Imagine in the circle of your acquaintances everyone who has a relationship issue, requires advice came to you. Dumped on you all their burdens and you had no way of off loading.

To get back on the lesson, its important to speak about things that bother you with your partner, friend or family members. Keeping quiet doesn’t help either parties and certainly not you.

Looking at an intimate relationship keeping quiet and expecting the other party to guess why you are upset is not only childish, immature but detrimental to the relationship. You communicate with your partner like grown ups and pick your battles wisely, he/she can’t be out there (work, life in general)fighting wars and even when with you they are fighting over petty things.

It takes more energy to stay angry than communicating and reaching an amicable solution.

Love

Nhle 👑💝

Dear my beloveds

Its been a while since I last shared and kept you updated on this journey I am on.

Today I just want to share about the purity we come across in our lives. You all know I am all about relationships when I and again this is on a broader aspect not just intimate ones. There are humans who see you, acknowledge you and show you pure care, kindness, interest, love with no hidden agendas.

Even after all the storms in your life whether in a form of dishonesty, betrayal, being used, taken for granted dont miss out on this purity because your wall is too high up. Dont rob yourself off of something so beautiful, so amazing because of the past. Let your past be your lesson.

Love and light

Nhle💕

Dear Me

As I grow I have learnt to accept you for all that you are. Appreciate you more, be more aware of your resilience and all that you are capable of. Getting to know the real you has taught me to love your authenticity, your personality, your flaws and every day I fall deeper in love with the person/ woman you are becoming.

I now understand its okay to be imperfectly perfect, to be flawed, to make mistakes, to fail, fall and be different in every way. All these dont define you, but they are part of your journey. I have become aware that I am a rare breed kinda of woman.

You are a masterpiece
Love
Me

SheIsBecoming❤👑

Dear beloved ❤

I am starting to think how easy being upfront really is, you basically manage expectations thus limiting disappointments.

Growing up we are groomed into creatures that fit into different roles, there is females and males, boys and girls, etc. With this divide sadly comes a box we are put in, that as a girl/female/woman this is what you are expected to do, how to behave and so on and this applies to boys/male/man .

The box we are put in leaves less room for one to just be a human, have needs, acknowledge their feelings, speak their minds, be upfront in what they want, go for everything they want in life and really know no one is superior that you (male or female).

Please beloved know that the above applies to everything you can think of where you face a challenge of not doing more, speaking up more or fighting more for what you believe in and want because that’s not how you were brought up.

Imagine if we were all brought up in a manner that allows us to just be….. Do more, speak up more, be more upfront. Possibly we would avoid disappointments, grow more and be happier without the burden of biting our tongues.

Fellow humans, go out there in the world wherever you are and Do more, speak up more, be upfront about your wants, feelings(without being offensive),your goals and dreams.

THE QUESTION ISN’T WHO IS GOING TO LET ME BUT WHO IS GOING TO STOP ME

Dare to change history

Love

Nhle ❤👑